My Cover Letter to President Trump for the Open FBI Position
Dear Mr. President,
I have an excellent resume'. It's truly fantastic. Frankly, it's the best resume'.
I know so many people. Fantastic people. I'm told daily how nobody has better references than me. Believe me, they're fantastic, and frankly, great, great references. People are amazed at my references.
My resume'... you are not going to believe how incredible the resume' is. Truly incredible.
I love law and order. Mariska Hargitay is fantastic. Her mother was a fantastic person.
As FBI Director I'll be catching so many criminals. So many criminals. It's unbelievable how many criminals we'll catch. You'll be amazed. The crime rate will drop to zero. People will be tired of hearing about how crime-free our cities are. Frankly, it'll be incredible.